a unicorned twilight
by 7andthefluff
Summary: charlie the unicorn and twilight cast
1. Chapter 1

(Edward is walking alone in a forest)

**(Echoy voice resembling Jasper/Jacob's):** Edwardeee.

**Edward:** Hello? Is someone there?

**(Echoey voice):** Edwardeee.

**Edward:** What? What do you want?

(silence)

**Edward:** (grunts)

**Jacob and Jasper:** (materialize in a flash of light, wearing sunglasses and futuristic-looking things aroudn there necks) Edward!

**Edward:** Gah! Ah! Give me a heart attack, that's fine!

**Jasper:** We're from the future, Edward!

**Edward:** Oh, I bet.

**Jacob:** The world is in perillll.

**Jasper:** All that is good has been consumed by evil!

**Jacob:** (Jacob's eye begins to glow) The end is nigh! Nighhh!

(Jacob and Jasper dissapear into a smoky grey cloud, where several copies of Jasper and Jacob's heads in various sizes emerge then dissapear back into the cloud)

**Edward:** Yep, so that was the scariest thing I've ever seen.

**Jasper:** Come with us to the future!

**Jacob:** We need your help to finish our snowman!

**Edward:** Snowman? What are you going on about?

**Jasper:** There's no time to explain!

**Jacob:** Grab onto our tongues!

**Edward:** How do I-

**Jasper and Jacob:** Blehhh!

(Jasper and Jacob's tongues shoot out of there mouths and drape themselves on Edward)

**Edward:** Ohhhh that is so gross!

(the three dissapear in a flash of white light, then reappear in a similar flash exactly where they were before)

(Jasper and Jacob's Future Costumes have dissapeared)

**Jasper:** Edward, we're here!

**Jacob:** In the futureee! (blows party horn)

**Edward:** This looks exactly the same!

**Jasper:** Shhhh, you'll wake the Umu.

**Edward:** (blinks) Umu?

**Jacob:** We need to get to the river

**Jasper:** And we gotta be sneaky.

(Jasper and Jacob start floating in the air, and bending there legs like they're made of rubber)

**Jacob:** We gotta be sneaky, Edward, sneaky.

**Edward:** Yah, there's no way I can do that with my legs.

**Jacob:** Oh no! Listen!

**Jasper:** The Umu has awoken! Run!

**Edward:** What are you- I don't hear anything!

**Jasper:** Hurry! Look out for the Yomyoms!

**Jacob:** They're everywherrrrrrre!

**Edward:** What am I missing here?

**Jasper:** Narshlobs! Coming in from above!

**Jacob:** Evasive maneuvers! (Starts to float away) Neh! Nyehhh!

**Jasper:** Edward! Look out for the Bleh-bleh-bleh!

**Edward:** (groans) Can I go home yet?

(Cuts to a river with a large duck-shaped boat which Jacob and Jasper are already on)

**Jacob:** Edward, get on the duck!

**Jasper:** The Bleh-bleh-bleh are right behind us!

**Edward:** I think I'll take my chances with the Oompoos and the Wawas.

**Jacob:** Oh no! A Narshlob has got Edward!

**Jasper:** Quickly! Grab onto our tongues!

**Jasper and Jacob:** Bleh!

(Jasper and Jacob's tongues shoot out of there mouths and drape over Edward)

**Edward:** Oh! Aw, really? Again with the tongues?

(Cuts to Edward, Jacob and Jasper on the duck-boat, riding down the river.)

**Jasper:** Ring, ring.

**Jacob:** Hellooo?

**Jasper:** Ring, ring.

**Jacob:** H-he-hellooo?

**Jasper:** Ring, ring.

**Jacob:** Helloooooo?

**Jasper:** Ring, ring.

**Jacob:** Hello?

**Jasper:** ...Ring, ring.

**Edward:** You have a bad connection!

**Jasper:** Time to go down below!

**Jacob:** Into the liquid abyss!

(The duck-boat begins to sink into the river)

**Edward:** Oh my God, hey, hey! Hey I can't swim! Or breathe underwater!

**Jasper:** Ring, ring.

**Jacob:** Hello?

**Edward:** I'm serious, I'm going to drown!

(talking over Edward)

**Jasper:** Ring, ring.

**Jacob:** Hellooo?

**Jasper:** Ring, ring.

**Jacob:** Hellooo?

**Edward:** What does this have to do with snowmen?

**Jasper:** Ring, ring.

**Jacob:** Helloooblubblubblub

(duckboat sinks into the river with Edward, Jacob and Jasper on it)

(Cuts to scene where the duckboat is floating to the floor of what looks to be ruins of a castle)

**Jasper:** See, Edward? Look!

**Jacob:** This is where we've hidden the snowman!

**Edward:** Yah, to save the world, right. I'm not even gonna ask how I'm still alive. 'Cause you know what I think? I think I died long ago and you two are my internal punishment.

**Jasper:** You're like a constant downer, huh?

(Cuts to scene a where Edward, Jacob, and Jasper are walking through the ruins)

**Jacob:** To get to the snowman we need to first pass-(camera zooms out to reveal a door standing alone in front of the trio) the Dooooor!

**Jasper:** The Dooooor!

**Edward:** The Door?

**Jacob:** Th-the Door!

**Edward:** What is the Door?

**Jasper:** The Door is everything!

**Jacob:** All that once was and all that will be!

(The door begins to float and multicolored light begin to flash)

**Jasper:** The Door controls Time and Space!

**Jacob:** Love and Death!

**Jasper:** The Door can see into your mind!

**Jacob:** (Jacob's pupil contracts) The Door can see into your SOUL!

**Edward:** Really, th-the Door can do all that?

**Jacob:** Heh, no.

(Cuts to a scene where Edward, Jasper and Jacob are walking through the ruins again.)

**Jasper:** We're almost there, Edward. It's right at the end of this-Oh my God it's a whale!

**Jacob:** Nooooo! Whaaaale!

(Shadow of a whale passes over the trio)

(silence)

(Shadow moves on)

**Jasper:** Just a few more steps and-Oh my God it's a Narwhale!

**Jacob:** Noooo! Narwhaaaaale! Narwhale of deathhhhh! It's gonna kill us!

(Shadow of a Narwhale passes over the trio)

(Silence)

(Shadow moves on)

**Jasper:** It's right up ahead now! You can see the-Oh my God it's a-

**Edward:** Stop it! Stop it! I don't care about each and every sea creature you see!

**Jacob:** But, Edward! They care about you!

(Music begins as a beam of light covers Edward and he begins to float upwards)

**Edward:** Oh, no. No! No! Noo!

(Edward lands on the top of a pillar, and what seems to be a goat-seal hybrid floats on screen with a bunch of ballons then lets them go.)

**Goat-seal:** (singing) _When, you're feeling all alone, the world's a drone, and nobody's shown any love to you, _

**Edward:** (speaking) I can't tell if you're adorable or creepy.

**Goat-seal:** (singing) _When, you're heart is cold as stone,_ _just change your tone,_ _get rid of that groan,_ _and the world will too!_

**Edward:** Probably gonna go with creepy.

**Goat-seal:** _'Cause Swordfishes- _

**Swordfish:** _Love you._

**Goat-seal:** _Jellyfishes-_

**Jellyfish:** _Love you._

**Goat-seal:** _Starfishes-_

**Starfish:** I LOVE YOU!!

**Goat-seal:** _You know it's true. Catfishes-_

**Catfish:** _Love you._

**Goat-seal:** _Carpfishes-_

**Carpfish:** _Love you._

**Goat-seal:** _Blowfishes-_

(Starfish cuts in front of blowfish)

**Starfish:** STARFISH REALLY LOVES YOU!

**Goat-seal:** _In the ocean Jasper!_

(Shrimp wearing a golden chain around his neck and sunglasses appears with a bright orange background and begins to rap):

_Lungfish, Blackfish, Alligator, Icefish._ _Armourhead, Hammerhead, Anaconda ,Flathead._ _Manta Ray, Sting Ray, Fangtooth Moray._ _Goblin shark, Grass Carp, Round River Bat Ray._ _Noodlefish, Hagfish, Man O' War, Ladyfish._ _Black Eel, Baby seal, Sprat, Koi, Electric Eel._ _Lamprey, Pejerey, Yellow-edged Moray._ _Salmon Shark, Sleeper Shark, Featherback and Eagle Ray! _

(cuts back to Edward and the Goat-seal)

**Goat-seal:** _Well, you can ignore this plea._ _That's fine with me, But one day you'll see,_ _That my words are true!_

**Edward:** Please stop singing to me.

**Goat-seal:** _What if,_ _You find that you agree?_ _I garauntee,_ _That you will soon be_ _Feeling the love too!_

**Edward:** I can't wait.

**Goat-seal:** _'Cause Swordfishes- _

**Swordfish:** _Love you._

**Goat-seal:** _Jellyfishes-_

**Jellyfish:** _Love you._

**Goat-seal:** _Starfishes-_

**Starfish:** I WANT TO BE WITH YOU FOREVER!

**Goat-seal:** _You know it's true! Catfishes-_

**Catfish:** _Love you._

**Goat-seal:** _Carpfishes-_

**Carpfish:** _Love you._

**Goat-seal:** _Blowfishes-_

(Starfish cuts in front of blowfish)

**Starfish:** STARFISH! LOVE ME! LOVE ME!

**Goat-seal:** _In the ocean JASPEREE!_

(Goat-seal floats off a bit and explodes)

(music ends)

**Edward:** (floats back down to the ground) Oh, there goes everyone exploding. (camera zooms out to reeveal a nose-less snowman standing on a pillar) Oh, hey, look at that. Hey guys! I found the snowman! What did you want me to do? Guys?

(green tendrils of smoke start rising from the ground.)

**Edward:** What the-Oh, sleeping gas! Of course. Why did I expect any different?

(Edward collapses, the screen goes black)

(cuts to scen with Edward laying on the ground in a field of tundra, and it's snowing. His horn is gone.)

**Edward:** (wakes up) Uh, oh, oh! Where am I? Hey! What happened to my horn?!

(camera zooms out to reveal the snowman with Edward's horn as it's nose)

**Edward:** Come on, really! What did that accomplish?! Why would- (camera zooms out to reveal a Jacob glob in the snowman's side) Oh, look it's my kidney.

(cuts to credits)

**Created by Jason Steele **

**Executive Producer- Stephanie Steele**

(screen goes black)


	2. Chapter 2

Embry: Glub Glub Glub Glub Glub Glub  
Quil: Glub Glub  
Embry: Look over there it's a coral reef  
Jacob: Oh look it's you guys, and you're floating.  
Embry: Jacob, we're scuba diving Jacob  
Quil: We're exploring the depths of the ocean blue.  
Embry: Oh no, here comes a school of poisonous foogu fish.  
Quil: Nooooo Foogu  
Jacob: Ah you got to watch out for those, now go away I'm watching TV.*vortex opens in Jacob's back*  
Embry: The vortex is open  
Jacob: Uh ok, what is this?  
Embry: Jacob, we're being pulled into the vortex.  
Quil: Swim away foogu fish, swim away.  
Jacob: Come on now you guys are freaking me out, turn this thing off.  
Embry: There's no stopping the vortex Jacob  
Quil: Fooguuuuu  
*Embry and Quil get sucked into vortex*  
Jacob: Guys? Guys? Or girls, I'm really not sure what you two are.  
Embry: Jacob, Jacob I have the amulet.  
Jacob: What amulet? What's going on?  
Embry: The amulet Jacob, the magical amulet. Sparkles sparkles.  
Quil: Sparkle.  
Jacob: I don't understand what you're talking about.  
Embry: The amuletttttt.  
*pop out of vortex*  
Embry: We did it.  
Quil: We got the amulet!  
Jacob: Great, now go away, I'm tired of the horrible things that happen when you're around.  
Embry: No Jacob.  
Quil: No  
*They both blow up*  
Embry: We have to take the amulet to the banana king.  
Jacob: Oh yes, the banana king, of course. Absolutely not.  
Quil: He's counting on us, Jacobeee. *He begins floating*  
Embry: If we don't get the amulet to the banana king the vortex will open and let out a thousand years of darkness.  
Quil: Nooooo Darknessss.  
*Creepy octopus begins to come out of vortex*  
Jacob: Alright fine I'll go, I'll go.  
Quil + Embry: yayyy  
Quil: Darkness  
*Quil and Embry say blblbl(5 times)  
Jacob: What are you two doing?  
*blblbl* (2 times)  
Jacob: Stop that.  
*Embry: blbl*  
Jacob: Oh look at that.  
Embry + Quil: ZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!  
Embry: El hombre con el sombrero nos envoi (the man with the hat has sent us!)  
Quil: El nos dijo muchas historias asombrosas (he told us many amazing stories!)  
*weird music* *creepy laughing*  
Jacob: What?  
Quil: Esta noche nosotros cenamos Tortugas (tonight we dine on turtles!)  
Embry: Así que bueno, ellos serán (they will be delicious!)  
Jacob: Ah, what did you two do?  
Embry + Quil: ZZZZZZZZZZ  
Embry: Soy Feliz.(I am happy!)  
*creepy music, creepy laughing*  
Jacob: Just keep walking Jacob, just keep walking.  
Embry: Hop on board the train Jacob.  
Quil: It's going to take us to the banana king.  
Jacob: I don't see any train; all I see is a giant sneaker.  
Embry: It's the choo choo shoe, Jacob.  
Quil: Choo Choo shoe.  
Embry: Hurry Jacob, it's about to leave.  
Quil+Embry: Chuga Chuga Chuga Chuga Chuga Chuga Chuga Chuga Choo shoe Chuga Chuga Chuga Chuga Chuga Chuga Chuga Chuga Choo shoe  
Jacob: I forgot my boarding pass, I'll just walk.  
Quil: We're here, Jacob.  
Embry: The temple of the banana king.  
Jacob: Great, let's leave the amulet and go home.  
*Banana king pops up*  
Jacob: Who is that? No, no really. You guys see it, right? I gotta be honest I'm getting really creeped out here. Somebody say something.  
*music starts*  
Banana King: (song)

Jacob you look quite down,  
With your big fat eyes,  
And your big fat frown.  
The world doesn't have to be so grey.

Jacob when your life's a mess,  
When you're feeling Embry,  
Always in distress,  
I know what can wash that sad away.

All you have to do is,  
Put a banana in your ear.  
Jacob: A Banana in my ear?  
Put a ripe banana right into your favorite ear.

It's true  
Jacob: Says who?  
So true,  
Once it's in your Embrys will disappear.

The bad in the world is hard to hear,  
When in your ear a banana cheers.  
So go and put a banana in your ear.  
Put a banana in your ear.  
Jacob: I'd rather keep my ear clear.  
You will never be happy if you live your life in fear.

It's true.  
Jacob: Says you.  
So true  
When it's in the skies are bright and clear.  
Of every day of every year.  
The sun shines bright in this big Embry sphere.  
So go and put a banana in your earrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.  
*Banana King blows up*

Jacob: Of course, it burst into flames.  
Embry: Go forth magical amulet, return to the banana king.  
*light shines onto Jacob*  
Embry: Jacob, you're the banana king.  
*Jacob starts floating*  
Jacob: What? Hey hey, hold on a minute.  
Banana: You're the banana king, Jacob.  
Jacob: No, no I'm not, that doesn't even make sense.  
Embry: All hail the banana king.  
Jacob: I'm not the banana king.  
Embry: You are the banana king.  
Jacob: No, no I'm I'm…  
Banana: banana, banana, banana, banana, banana  
Jacob: I, I am the banana king.  
Embry +Quil: yayyy  
Banana: You are the banana king.  
Jacob: I'm the banana king, yeah. Hey, hey. Where'd you go? Guys? Hello? Get me down from here. *falls* gah, Ok that's a sprain. Hello? Hello? Guys? Where are you? Ah you got to be- great, they robbed me.  
*Embry pops out of vortex*  
Embry: Jacob.  
Jacob: What, what do you want?  
Embry: blbl


	3. Chapter 3

Alice: Hey, Jacob Hey Jacob wake up  
Emmett: Yeah Jacob, You silly sleepy head wake up!  
Jacob: Oh god you guys. This better be pretty freaking important. Is the meadow on fire?  
Alice: No Jacob, We found a map to Candy Mountain. Candy Mountain Jacob!  
Emmett: yeah Jacob were going to Candy Mountain come with us Jacob.  
Alice: Yeah Jacob! It'll be an adventure! Were going on an adventure Jacob  
Jacob: Yeah, Candy Mountain right I'm just gonna you know go back to sleep now.  
Alice: NOOOOOOOOOOO! Jacob! You have to come with us to Candy Mountain  
Emmett: Yeah Jacob, Candy Mountain it's a land of sweets and joy! and joyness!  
Jacob: Please stop bouncing on me!  
Alice: Candy Mountain Jacob!  
Emmett: Yeah Candy Mountain  
Jacob: Alright Fine! Ill go with you to Candy Mountain!  
Alice: LA LA LAAAA LAAA LAAAL LA ALAAA  
Jacob: Enough with the singing already.  
Alice: Our first stop is over there Jacob!  
Jacob: Oh god what is that!?!  
Alice: It's a Leoplurodon Jacob  
Emmett: A magical Leopleurodon  
Alice: Its gonna guide our way to Candy Mountain!  
Jacob: Alright Guys you do know that there is no actual Candy Mountain right?  
Alice: SHUN THE NON-BELIEVER!  
Emmett: SHHHHHUUUUUNNN  
Alice: SSSSSHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUNNN!  
Jacob: Yeah?  
Leopleurodon: (funny noises!)  
Alice: It has spoken!  
Emmett: It has told us the way!  
Jacob: It didn't say anything!  
Alice: Its just over this bridge Jacob  
Emmett: This magical bridge of hope and wonder!  
Jacob: Is anyone else getting like covered in splinters? Seriously guys we shouldn't be on this thing  
Alice: JACCCOOOBBB, JJJJAAAACCOOBB, JJJAAACCOOBB, JAACCOO-  
Jacob: I'm right here what do you want!?!?  
Alice: Were on a bridge Jacob!  
Emmett: Were Here!  
Jacob: Well what do you know? There actually is a Candy Mountain!  
Alice: Candy Mountain! Candy Mountain .You fill me with sweet sugary goodness  
Emmett: Go inside the Candy Mountain Cave Jacob.  
Alice: Yeah Jacob! Go inside the cave. Magical wonders are to behold when you enter  
Jacob: Yeah Errrr… Thanks but no thanks I'm gonna just stay out here.  
Emmett: But you have to enter the Candy Mountain Candy Cave Jacob!

Candy Mountain Song:  
Oh when you're down and you're looking for some cheering up  
Then just head right on up to the candy mountain cave  
When you get inside you find yourself a cheery land  
Such a happy and joy filled and perky merry land  
They've got lollipops and gummidrops and candy things  
Oh so many things that will brighten up your day  
It's impossible to wear a frown in candy town  
It's the mecca of love the candy cave  
They've got jellybeans and coconut with little hats  
Candy rats, chocolate bats, it's a wonderland of sweets  
Buy the candy train to town and hear the candy band  
Candy bells, it's a treat, as they march across the land  
Cherry ribbon stream across the sky and to the ground  
Turn around, it astounds, its a dancing candy treat  
In the candy cave imagination runs so free  
So now Jacob please will you go into the cave?

Jacob: Alright fine!! Ill go into the freaking Candy Cave! This better be good!  
Alice: Goodbye Jacob!  
Emmett: Yeah, Goodbye Jacob!  
Jacob: Goodbye What?!?!?! HEY WHATS GOIN ON HERE!?!? hello? Who is that? Ow! oh god!


End file.
